at my local Chinese restaurant.. . the other one, not the one with country music... Elton what does your calculator say? -Tommy Just a sec I'm sending emojis to my Mom. -Scott That is a reasonable and important activity! -Tommy (she had just been vaccinated) chicken nuggets chicken nuggets! its a pigeon... no, its a seagull... Everything is more fun with hydrofloric acid. -Tommy Except your bones... -Scott a hot dog is a taco if anything. and uncrustables is ravioli! You can't just put lighter fluid on everything. -Johnny You're not going to kill him... we've tried... -unknown Stop screaming... -Seiko How do you get laundry detergent to explode? -Tommy So... I can explain. -Scott We have tried non-metallic subjects, and nothing happened. It was even a dill pickle. -Tommy If you don't write it down, you have to repeat your experiment, which is totally cool. -Ian That year uncle ? brought the eel, and put it in the carrots... was it that bad of an analogy? -Scott no... -Charles do you want to hear the word yes?-Barry no. -Scott It looked smaller on the sign... -Barry (on the molten magic cake at RnR Tacoriea) This is your monkey, right? -Susan Yes. -Charles ohh... beading. ...-group what did you think I said??- Seaweed do you know which end is the inhale end? -Ryan *point* -Ryan's Mom (on a cigar) surfwax *splash* -Ryan do you have the gift? -Brian i have 20 tarot decks... because I had a Phase. -Barry hey oblivious guy! -unknown cows got fondled for that! -Barry (on ice cream) I was looking for access points, because I didn't remember what channel the fish were on.. -Tommy I still owe you a box of skulls -Barry (to make a hologram) Weird Al fixes stuff, and I don't want to unfix it. -Rhubarb How can you confuse an elk for a moose? -Ryan Well, if you are from Cleveland... -Susan I have so much loyalty my wallet is exploding. -Graysoul Wow! its never done that before! -Dr. Turnbolt It doesn't count as toys when its powered that way. -Wielder Cool stuff is frequently classified, but there is a whole lot of lame classified stuff. It was a gelatinous cube with the onion skeleton left... Brian (on an onion loaf) I need to unwatch some people. ... I'm 14 years old people! I can smell that from here, a wall of fudge.-Drabek yes... wahhhh -GS (on his chocolate pie) What the hell is this? It's British. (in the MFM con suite) Poke it with a stick! (on the thermite at 2012 physics cookout) We can hang up these holiday postits. -Angie Oh dear... hang up and bike! -Drabek (on a biker riding by on the phone) Ahhh pictures taken in a place that has fall... in Texas we have only summer and January. -Drabek How long does January last? -Protius (about 2 weeks) Apparently zort is AC and vop is DC. -Protius Yea, because zort has that 60 hz hum in it. -GS Shoot don't shoot... never assume a camera isn't loaded! I was just cleaning it and the shutter went off! - GS You know about the Dan effect, right? -Protius yea... -Drabek And you know about how we were talking about night vision stuff yesterday? -Protius yea... -Drabek This is a night vision scope. -Protius (shuffling through Dan's stuff) I think enough of my brain has been sucked out to relieve the pressure... -Drabek Its a happy little depressed song! -GS (on the Austin lounge lizard's performance of dark side of the moon) I have no idea how to spell your name.... I know it has a z in it. -Kelar (to zorfan (or something like that...)) So if ac is zort and dc is vop., whats the sound of a proper flash capacitor going off? -Tet Boom? -Proti And my evil plan... wrong evil plan.... anyway some evil plan... GS (shuffling through some stuff) Oh just stick a toothpick in it...., or stick a ferret in it... -GS (Tet was attempting to determine if a fan was running) I have a pen knife with a temperature gauge. -Tet In case your knife overheats? -Proti So if over clock my knife I can know how fast I can go... -Tet I feel like I'm at a teacher's union. -Nick No, we're actually doing stuff. -GS My god, I just heard "death trap may be the right tool."! -Tet But sleep is boring... -Tom You're having the wrong dreams! -Linda No, what you see on TV is guessology. what they actually do is far more ludicrous. -GS (on meteorology) Somebody introduced me to them... I'm not sure what I did to deserve that... -Deneb (on his sane friends) I'm a gymnast! -Tet and the unmount! -Proti *poing* -Tet No, the dismount, you're thinking disks. -Tet ... we have an abundance of meats and televisions... -KT (context unknown...) memories going... -unknown memories gone! -Tigercowboy I'm not used to corrosive fumes coming off my food... -Bearcat (discussing hot sauces) dude! can we borrow your car to get some medicine medicine and alcohol are not the same thing! ... I would liiiike tooo borrooow your au-toow-moo-bieeeele! (overheard on frs) Our ability to catch it is severely limited by your ability to throw it. -Protius (on a foam boomerang) See? I needed those 10 pixi stix! -Paddlefoot You know you're a geek when your hobby comes with a bill of hazardous goods. -Tet Must you? -Dellar I must. -Bearcat Apparently, he must. -Proti I tanned my feet. -KJ (while biking...) KJ: *grab* *grin* other guy: you need a helmet to hold that... and a written permission slip... GS: tool so big it has a sight on top. KJ- definitely an impressive piece of equipment. Apparently I looked scary holding it. (on a monster hammer drill) Since when have we done anything right on the shed? I mean, why start now? -Adam (on Kelar's shed) I have been meaning to look up its maximum current rating and... come very close to it. -GS (on his bright LEDs) Ok, so the white russian which is pure vodka is too strong... -Doug Do not breathe near open flame? -Steve So does that mean I'm Empress? (of VA) -Trixi No. Concubine... -Tet auhhhh... Cool! - Trixi bwuahahaha... -Tet What are you doing? -Trixi Cackling. -Tet, Proti Its like I'm wearing a small room. -Packrat (on how hot a fursuit is) These don't rattle like the other ones! -unknown (on the FC elevators) Yay! Lets go fling shit at people! -Trixi (on being born in the year of the monkey) that. bat. has. cleavage... -Tet I approve! -Sirfox Why am hiding behind the guy who is trying to grope me? -Frostdemon *plonk!* I rolled a one... -Tet (he had just dropped his fork) And I'm going to find out very quickly why I need superglue... -Kelar That was a sequel... that means they made another one... -Tet (on Ms Congeniality 2) Oh, you have a laser under the couch. -Proti Yes I do, I had forgotten about that... -Graysoul About the only thing I get at Radioshack anymore is the realization that I am in the wrong store. -Protius (on how they no longer sell components) never give up -Robots never surrender -Tet, Proti to infinity and beyond -GS I was dutifully working on the power supply, and managed to thoroughly frighten myself. -GS too much voltage? -Proti No. Way too mobile. -GS I put on a girdle for no one! And for no reason! -Kes (IRC) So... what is Shepard's pie? -Fire You see, they take german shepards, grind them up, and put it in a pie. -Kelar All of it, or just the interesting parts? -Fire Mostly the fur. -Kelar Real men do not use pink surface plates. -Bearcat (on granite surface plates) *squeek* arg! I will not be beaten! *squpbbhb* Argh! -KJ You are being beaten,.. -Proti *sqweeeeep* *inflate* Ha! I had forgotten how annoying these things are. -KJ (trying to inflate a balloon) Scientific progress goes boink? -Bearcat (quoting Calvin and Hobbs) That appears to be a pile of ultra 1's.... -Drabek Yes, it is a pile of ultra 1's. Need one? -Proti "Doing evil. please knock." -sign on Michael's door *smoke* - the apparatus The resistor is not happy.. -Drabek push it push it! -GS ... - The apparatus So if parts of it are unknown,how do they make it? (on marvel mystery oil, where several of the contents are listed as unknown by the msds) But that would be moving parts, and you know what I think of moving parts... -Bearcat yea, like that one *spin* -GS oooh... -Bearcat OH wow... that was a good one... -GS (on Mejeep's psycotic plastic swatch book) Hi big green guy! -kid to fursuiter at PG's picnic Are these burgers rare? -unknown No, you can get them anywhere! -unknown (at the PG picnic) You're lost? Where are you? -GS (to Kody) The word is cantilevered. -GS (explaining his invisible furniture to Kody) My freezer contains film and bourbon. -Tet The two essential ingredients for any photographer. -Nick Dan, do you know how to supercharge a microwave? ...well, the technical answer is yes.. but it's not worth it. -Dan I don't trust acronyms. They stand for things. --Kes (on MSDSs) Those aren't rocket science. We can do rocket science... -Sparta on IRS documents Found a sixpack... and another one too. -Johnny (shopping for eggs... and beer too) It's sort of like hell here... -Danielle (on the new river valley mall) Whats that? An albino carrot? -Johnny (on meeting a parsnip) Eugh... smurf porn does not need to exist. I mean I can live with my little pony porn but... -Kody Look! its a sonic orgy! -unknown (showing a laptop display) Yay! --the room Leave this alone! If you're cold get a blanket, or put some clothes on! -sign on Rob's thermostat Well, should we go back to the lab?- Graysoul Which one? -TJcoyote Will work for itunes. -Meejeep (on a pan handler at a light who had a nice walkman) I heard it was one big yiff-fest. -Graysoul It wasn't. -Mejeep Darn... -Graysoul (on Feral) You can buy better, but you can't pay more! (alleged moto at IBM) You're eating a lot of sugar there...-Kody I am... and its working too! -GS That's the problem with nanometers... They're small... -Proti I read it for the articles! -Michelle, on the Oprah Magazine We should watch starwars- unknown 1 yea! -unknown 2 Oh god, please no. -Chris (LK) you know there's no such thing as sex in Starwars... Ok, here's how it works... I give you a bag and you fill it... and if you need another one I tell you. -Michelle on issuing Chris some surplus cookies Well, they are just guessing at the frame rate, but this little dial goes to 9... sorry, 10... -GS (on his new camera) They are finally inventorying all the stuff which has been there since we've been going... -GS "Whats in here? A shipment of ice for the bicentennial." -Proti (on the Richmond surplus auction warehouse ) Kick the dolly kick the dolly! -GS (while moving a film printer) Scary people ride the bus... some of them are even conscious. -GS (on the cat bus, las vegas) And now for my sanity check... -GS How could we possibly pass one of those?-Proti Tremendously relaxed requirements. -GS do you have a problem with film cans building up in your carpet? -GS ... -Proti Thank you... we'll be here all week. -GS ohh... that's a girl doggy. -unknown (on Harome Kitsuni) hmmm... steel or aluminum... -GS or copper? -Proti or copper? ohhhh... OR COPPER... -GS (pondering flashing (and tesla coil primaries...)) I didn't have any of the rice... GS Its a big crunchy. -Proti, Kody *plink!* - the rice Ohh... your right... -GS Ok, what should we do now? -Zen Whats wrong with just falling asleep? -GS You know, we are truly pathetic... -Proti (on an exciting fun-filled saturday night) *ka-boom* (shot gun) Wow... are there more? -Kody They're doing something weird... -person at ace rental (in response to wondering why we needed two engine hoists) Whats the biggest flash we have? -Proti I have that 1500W one. -GS We do need to worry about eye-safe... -Proti ok.... -GS pirate trig... pi ARRR squared Why do I feel like a babysitter? -Innerwolf (at mfm 10) Are you born before or after 1960? -Mejeep Neither. -Jbadger Whats that?- some kid A bouncy ferret. ferrets bounce, or at least this one does... a lot... -Tjcoyote (on Mejeep) It won't reheat well. -GS But is 't it mush anyway? -Kody (on his leftover dinner at Don Pablo's) It hasn't exploded in almost an hour. -Dan (on a 2" vcr he was restoring) hmm... combine Texas Chainsaw massacre with Open Season? -Proti Squirrels with chainsaws! -GS developer, wash, bleach, Dan... -GS (on where he lives) Its like malt and dustbunnies... -Kody (on jones turkey and gravy pop) I am an airman. I have no responsibilities. -a member of our armed forces non poisonous, non-explosive non-flammable... how can it work? -GS (on a chemical metal surface hardener) apple monitor: free or best offer (sign at frostfest) The part of the american west was played by Australia. -GS (on Ghost Rider) I think I have a 2 by 4, it might be sharper. -Proti Let me try this banana. -Kody (on my pathetically dull knives) The five second rule does not apply to liquids. -KJ I made the mistake of ordering the chocolate cake at Joes. I saw it coming and thought it was going to give me a migraine. -KJ Was it worth it? -Proti MmmmHmmm. -KJ Did you run out of space? -GS Nope... did you run out of stuff? -KJ Nope. -GS Assume a spherical furry of zero mass... oh wait... -GS (While pondering spherical cows) Happy birthday to... -group Uh oh... call the riaa, unlicensed public performance of the happy birthday song! -Proti Its ok.. they may have used the lyrics, but they didn't use any of the original notes. -GS That's an interesting point... Proti My favorite screaming bunny story... -Canis anubus Wait, you have more than one? -unknown I see fox. Oh God, it moves! -unknown (on a puppet) It smells bad here. -cow orker (someone's lunch went evil) With a sufficient application of j-lube, nothing is squeaky. -KJ Discussing the most famous product of Jorgenson labs (no relation) Ooh, it has to think about this one. -KJ Where did you ask it to take you? -Proti Lima, Peru. -KJ VP in charge of nepotism. -ano (pondering employers) I don't like these pants. Things keep popping out of my pants. ... My cellphone! -Kody My drama meter just exploded. -GS This is the highlight of the con. Not the awesome porn I got, its the ball. -unknown (on Kody's hamster ball at MFM) I want you to run from me, it would please me, but do it slowly.-guy in the hamster ball I watched the cash box, but it was very boring... didn't do anything.- unknown GOOD!-Rama (mfm registration) My flash light doesn't work very well, on account that it is ultra-violet...-GS ohhh, you hit the mother load! -unknown Its on fire again!-unknown Have any of those actually worked? -KJ (on a jiffipop) I got the rest of the stew meat! augh, what am I stepping on?-Digit (at Kody's Kampout) Lets go pet a cow!-unknown Made in China, so there's no lead in the solder-- it was needed for Children's toys to be exported to the US. -Drabek (on a thinkpad keyboard cable) You're looking at me as if you expect me to do something entertaining. -GS I'm not entertained. Try again. -KJ Turn all the toggles to the up position, wait 5 minutes, push the button. -GS (on how to turn on a 315m) copied to webpage quotes2007 I can appreciate a really well decorated cake... but I'm going to eat it anyway. -GS (pondering art forms) wrrr... -KJ why are you cleaning your rear window? Was it FILTHY? -GS yes it was... -GS I made a clean spot. -KJ (while driving to Ruby Tuesday's) How was the meeting? -Mark Oh man, the meeting was.... worth missing. -Julian So how far off calibration is it?- GS I dunno... -KJ Well, put a nickel on it! -GS, Proti Thats 5 grams... -GS hmmm... 5.0. -KJ (on his new $7 scale) smoke detectors always become unhappy at 3am. -GS *beep!* -GS, KJ he told you what happened when he tried to boot ubuntu? -Julian he said it was disgruntled... -Tommy It beeped a lot. - Julian governance: maintaining the illusion of control I have a toothache in my foot. -Kody (still recovering from a splinter) And now I have bite marks on my badge... I need to eat lunch earlier. -Karla ...but how does it know? -Rus It just knows. Do not question the google. -Ben If you're ok with going to prison, the sky's the limit. -Ozzie The Robbie got weird... -Zen Thats like saying Stephen Hawkings got smart. -Loco Schrodinger's passenger... you don't know if they are going or not. -G I am not dating the sponsor! -Karla You don't have to really date him... -Ozzie (pondering scamming a ride to Sweden) ... but dammit, science awaits! -Russ Ah, I have been here before, that's my Mom's chainsaw dealer! -GS That building is completely full of baked beans! -GS (at corkys bbq) Spaniard! -unknown Brazilian (said to a bull on the other team) eyyugh... I figured that was too creepy to be fake.-GS (on the segment of "inside the actor's studio" in Igor) Why did I volunteer for this? Stupid free pizza... -Karla I'm an oracle now? cool... -Mark (lets go play the lotto) We need some more chairs in here. -Julian Yea... and a keg. -Karla I was here on time! I just left. -Mike How do you know you are a geek if there is no projector to volunteer to run? -GS Its not all suffering! -Mejeep (on the passover) I have a yard now, I can bury things. -Aaron No alphas! -hacdc (on how to heat the space) Step back to allow doors to close, wheeee! -kid on the metro We have gone from IPC to IPSuck. -Russ (on dbus, "the defacto ipc mechanism on unix") If someone offers you a 1/2 ton of plexiglass, you take it. -Tommy (it turned out to be a bit over a ton) This whole space time continuum thing is just bizarre, I thought that was only in star trek. -Julian 2009.3.28 I got you your favorite resistors... you know you are a geek when. -Tommy When not only do you /have/ a favorite resistor, but everyone knows what it is. -Dan (3 ohm, couple of watts) do you have a license for those hemostats? -Tommy you don't need a license for hemostats. -Nick you don't! do you? -Nick Basic nutrition will not be a problem We can eat each other for the next 12 years. -Ash (on the depression) And as quickly as they arrived, they left. -GS bamf! -Proti And they made that noise too, and left curly fries. -GS I guess you can only buy chickens by the dozen... I mean that's how eggs come. -Tilt So this is what they mean by cockamamie scheme. I get it!-Elliot (on extracting the Ashmobile from a culvert) The last time I blew up a cinder block, it was with a pop bottle full of dry ice. At least this one stayed in front of everyone. -Tommy (on safety equipment while crushing a dollar coin to the diameter of a dime) this computer needs three power cords... sweet -Mark I have some spare spheres... -Proti yea... -GS It just seems dangerous to refer to them as balls. -Proti Brass Balls!-Drabek See? -Proti I'll cool off in the Jacuzzi. (in Yuma, 120 deg F) Did I ever show you the chic-fil-a song? -Shaun No... -Russ Youtube. -Shaun Come to join the circus? -Unknown We're from the circus. -GS When I was your age I was going to mfm 1.-GS -on young people at mfm What decade are you stuck in? -organist at ren faire to Dan I've recently discovered I can't handle dairy... I thought it was the heavy drinking, but it turns out it was White russians. -Aaron Do they make soy russians? -? We need to stick him in a closed area, and squeeze all the secrets out of him.- Charles (on Kevin) Over-classification of sandwiches is a real problem. -Aaron Its recordable media. -Charles A really slow covert channel. -Adam What happens in hagerstown stays in hagerstown. APL1 Does anything happen in hagerstown? -APL2 I like using my laptop in bed. It keeps me warm. -Apl1 Doodamp 2: the condensation -GS Two dozen furs with laser pointers... Now you've done it. -Proti mwuhahaha... -GS Dan, that sparkly is really cool, but everyone else got a laser.... can I? -Loco Awww... yea. -GS Don"t ask questions when sugar is involved. -Tuan (on food at work) Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda cool actually... That is one of the seven deadly songs. -Unknown (on someone playing Heart and Soul) On monday morning back at work, they are not so cute. -GS (quoting JW Kennedy) You have mistaken me for a malodorous pervert! -GS Sorry, wrong malodorous pervert.... People who do the same thing twice, expecting different result are running Windows. - Dave Chalner Always accept yourself the way you are... Badgery! -Jbadger (reading a fortune cookie) I got a hundred million dollars in ky smartrip top that. -unknown (overheard in the metro) ooh, mallets! Registry!- Susan Now find your male parts... -Jen Are you thinking what I'm thinking? -Charles I'm thinking what the hell are you thinking? -Susan So that would be no. -Charles Midnight krispykreme run? -Charles They are probably open... damn you! -Ben 2011.9.2 I want to be a tentacle monster when I grow up. -Tshirt at mfm You're thinking as a designer, not a central american redneck person... -Graysoul There's Bacon! *crunch* -Ryan And its very cold... -Ryan